Introverted Little Ray of Sunshine
To be introverted is to be a freak.
Oh, sure, in today’s world we have dozens of books and blogs and memes telling us that introverted people are just like everyone else with red blood and Instagram-able pets, but we still don’t generally get excited about big parties full of strangers, public speaking engagements, and networking events. At the same time, we’re not necessarily quiet little wallflowers either if we’re in a comfortable place or we’re talking about something we feel passion for, or we’re with friends.
I can stand in front of a bunch of kids or adults in a giant room and lead a karate class because I’m comfortable with the material, I know the kids, and I’ve gotten used to the space. If you told me to teach that same lesson on a stage I’d never seen to people I’d never met and add some new twist to the material I hadn’t tried out before, I’d feel panicked and overheated.
I used to teach a new batch of kids every day, in two separate rooms, but at that point I’d been teaching for several years and the material I was using was something I was not only comfortable with, but a kind of mini-curriculum I’d cobbled together from a dozen different resources and knew how to get it to work with various groups.
Maybe that’s why I’m constantly trying to learn new things and try new things, something introverts aren’t always known for. I want to feel more comfortable in more situations with more people, and I know the key to that is to get more familiar with one aspect of the situation.
I’ve done arts and crafts’ shows. I’ve read excerpts of my book in front of people I think are much better writers. I’ve tried Zumba. Of those things, I’m the worst at Zumba. It’s not even a contest. I had no idea what was going on and I without real instructions or time to process them, I was basically just trying not to get trampled in a very loud, hot room for an hour. I was much better at Ashtanga yoga because it had a repetitive element I could find stability in — and the room didn’t make it so hard to breathe like hot yoga.
One of my favorite things is getting out into nature, though, because while it’s incredibly noisy in nature, it’s still “quiet.” Camping, hiking, biking, canoeing, snorkeling,…I’m game. Just don’t ask me to run, please. I like the concept, but my lungs aren’t good at the execution and my face turns a kind of red that makes people think they should dial 911.
I’ve been reading more lately on introverts and how to make the most of this personality trait, how to harness it and ride it into glory — or at least a lucrative side hustle, (as the kids say). Because, while I enjoy teaching karate and enjoyed teaching math, what I love doing is writing quietly at my desk, compiling spreadsheets, learning new things, reading books, running analysis on complex data and generating patterns. Those are the things I do to charge my batteries enough to spend several hours yelling commands at people in multi-colored belts.
Yes, the stuff that drains most people (spreadsheets and research and detail-oriented graphics projects) are the things that rev me up to go deal with the “people-ly” world beyond my desk.
Without intervention from the well-meaning, extroverted (but trying to be a programmer introvert half the time) husband dragging me out into the world, I could easily spend a whole weekend working on various projects, researching and reading and doing until the sun rose Monday and I smiled happily at my checked-off to dos.
Last time I took the personality test over at 16personalities, it determined I was “rare,” like only “three percent” of the population. That might make it suddenly apparent why I often feel like an outcast, I think I’d rather take it to mean I’m more like an orchid and market my unnaturally-awesome plumage. (Just ignore the parts of the year when I’m heads-down in a project and seem more like the orchids people toss, assuming they’re dead when really they’re just not in bloom.)
So, are you introverted? Extroverted? Somewhere in between? A talking dolphin?
