We are not related.

What you are describing sounds less "misogynistic" than "insecure."

Can women and girls who want to "be different" for the sake of attracting men be misogynistic? Yes.

Is "upholding the patriarchy" usually their primary goal? No. They're often very insecure people who don't have the self-esteem to be themselves so they do what they think will get them attention. Frequently, they're also people who have been shunned by the more feminine or popular cliques and looking or a place to fit in.

And frankly, from the outside, you would have no way of knowing if the woman you saw gaming in a hoodie was bashing ex-girlfriends or not. That behavior is toxic for sure, but unless you know that's what someone is doing, you're stereotyping just like the person you're accusing of stereotyping.

Assuming all women like feminine things or that they like them all the time is just as much an artifact of patriarchy as assuming women who do aren't "cool" or are too "high maintenance."

Furthermore, if these people are bashing exes to people who don't deserve attention to begin with, it's a waste of your time to bother calling out their petty bullshit. They'll either get some self-esteem and stop doing it or they'll always be petty and fighting over bottom-feeder men in a parking lot somewhere and unless you own the parking lot, you can just ignore them, block them (online) or not be there to begin with.

That's not the kind of thing that's hurting you. Misogynistic women with power are. Focus there, please.